Paranoia Euphoria
by bravevulnerability
Summary: "I'm sitting in my living room with you on Halloween watching scary movies, Beckett. What more could I want?" Set season 4. Final entry for the Castle Halloween Bash 2016.


**A/N: Played a bit with the timeline for this one and switched a few details up, but hopefully it's not too confusing! Set in season 4, post 4x16, 'Linchpin'.**

 **(And Happy Halloween to all who celebrate!)**

* * *

Her heart has fallen into the habit of fluttering like a caged bird in her chest every time she sees him exiting the elevator each morning, two coffees in hand and his eyes searching for her, sparking electric blue once they find her. It's ridiculous, after this long, approaching four years now, but lately can't console the thrill of seeing him, of his fingers brushing hers as he hands over her coffee, murmurs a 'good morning' before taking his seat beside her.

"Has the Halloween madness set in yet?" he inquires, settling in and cradling his own cup to his chest, but not yet drinking.

"No, it'll probably be reserved for tomorrow," Beckett mutters, certainly not looking forward to it, and nods to the sizeable stack of paperwork on her desk instead. "That's why I'm trying to get the worst of my paperwork done today."

"Anything I can do to help?"

She arches an eyebrow at him for that, because Castle never helps with paperwork, not unless he's up to something.

"What do you want, Castle?" she asks, positioning the slit of the cup to her lips and taking her first sip.

But Kate wrinkles her nose at the rich flavor that coats her tongue, twisting her lips as she swallows the small sip of coffee, and lifts her gaze to find Castle watching her with amusement obvious and brimming in his eyes.

"And what the hell have you done to my coffee?" she groans, holding the offending travel mug away from her in disdain, but the strong spread of pumpkin spice remains on her tongue. "Ugh, _Castle_ -"

"Calm down, I have your actual order right here," he chuckles, producing his identical cup from his grasp and trading her for the fall flavored drink, taking a long swig once he has it in his grasp. "I know you said you didn't like them, but come on, Beckett. Who doesn't love the pumpkin spice latte?"

"Me," she grumbles, taking a tentative sip of her newly acquired beverage, sighing in relief when the familiar spill of vanilla soothes her taste buds. "They're too sweet."

He huffs quiet exasperation into his cup and downs another drink of his seasonal drink before resolutely setting it down on her desk, leaning forward with a flicker of determination, _want_ , in his eyes.

Can't be good, not for her, and yet… her heart repeats its familiar flutter in her chest, feathers along the cage of her ribs, desperate to ascend.

"I was thinking," he begins and Kate lowers her coffee to the stable surface of her workstation too, offers him her full attention. "As you know, tomorrow's Halloween-"

"Stop reminding me," she mumbles, already dreading the insanity that accompanies the holiday, the havoc it wreaks upon her city, but Castle waves her off as if he doesn't already know about the impending chaos.

"But you have tomorrow night off this year, right?"

And there goes her heart again, its wings growing bolder as they beat within her chest.

"I do," she confirms with a nod, watching the disperse of nerves through his eyes, the dust of gold within the crisp blue illuminating the ripple of trepidation before he takes a deep breath, plows through it.

"I was thinking about having a movie marathon, all the best Halloween hits and horror films," he explains, excitement outshining his apprehension for a moment. "Alexis was going to stay in with me, watch all of her favorites at least, but she got invited to a party and while she was willing to skip out on it to hang at home with me…"

"It's best she get out and have some fun," Kate concedes on a murmur, knowing from subtle hints in their conversation whenever his daughter came up that Alexis had been sticking a little too close lately, especially since he'd nearly died twice within the last few days.

"Exactly, I don't want her to feel like she has to appease me, so I just thought maybe… you'd want to join me?" he suggests with a gentle hitch to his brow, a tentative quirk of his lips. "I mean, who doesn't love a good movie marathon on Halloween? And I'm sure it'll make Alexis feel better knowing I'm not just sitting at home alone on the night of what is arguably my favorite holiday-"

"Castle," she interrupts with a careful smile of her own, the idea of curling up on his couch – on separate ends of his couch – with him, enjoying Halloween night in a way she hasn't had the chance to in… what has to be decades now sending the eagerness to accept his invitation climbing up her throat and shoving at the seam of her lips.

The wall is still in place, quite a few bricks knocked loose, rubble littering the grounds surrounding her heart, left from when he'd pushed his palms to her chest, breathed life back into her mere days ago. River water, frigid and biting, still flows through her veins, cramping her bones and eliciting random shivers and shakes that remind her too much of after effects that had come with being trapped in a freezer, nearly dying in his arms.

They'd nearly died – again – and wall or not, she wanted to celebrate being alive with him in the form of a scary movie marathon.

"Do I have a say in the film selection?"

His entire face lights up, illuminated like a joyous jack-o-lantern that shines his light onto her, carves a matching grin into her lips as he nods.

"Whatever you want, Kate."

* * *

"Dad?"

Castle pauses in his scrambling around the loft at Alexis's call, represses his sigh of relief at the sight of her more conservative witch costume – not the most original look, but the sleeves are long and black tights encase the length of his daughter's legs, and he definitely is not complaining whatsoever – and offers her the arch of his brow in question.

"It is just Kate coming over, right?" she inquires, scanning her gaze over the loft from her place at the bottom of the stairs, lingering on the decorations he bought on a whim on his way home from the precinct earlier that now adorn the kitchen and living room. "You're not having a party?"

"What? No, not this year," he chuckles, dropping back to the soles of his feet after hanging the massive fake spider web across the living room window. The gauzy material was accompanied by a large, furry fake spider that glowed, released the spread of purple light from each of his eight legs. "Just making it fun."

Alexis hums her understanding, surveying the room with an impressive quirk of her lips. "Is this a date?" she asks innocently, but Rick narrows his gaze on her.

"Alexis."

His daughter raises her hands in supplication and drifts into the kitchen, where he has a pitcher of blood red punch sitting on the island, next to the freshly made bowl of popcorn, the plastic pumpkin filled to the brim with a variety of candies and treats. "Just asking."

"Probing," he corrects on a huff.

"I'm… okay with Kate," Alexis states, causing him to freeze, but she isn't looking at him anymore, toying with one of the glasses shaped like a skeleton's skull, thoughtful.

He treads lightly with her where the topic of Kate is concerned when it comes to Alexis, understanding her lack of fondness for his partner, the woman he loves, always tiptoeing around the truth of it to avoid another unnecessary lecture or exasperated glare. But he thinks that since the bank all those months ago, since she'd listened to him inadvertently gush about how Kate had danced with him at Ryan's wedding, since she herself had witnessed Beckett's jealousy on full display during their most recent case, Alexis is steadily beginning to warm to the idea of a life with Kate in it. Not yet embracing, but accepting, and that's honestly more than he could have hoped for.

"Yeah?" he replies, trying for noncommittal, but he doubts he hides the hope in his voice to well as Alexis sighs, offers him a gentle smile and the openness of her gaze.

"She still makes you happy?"

Something in his chest eases.

"She does."

Alexis exits the kitchen, approaching him in the living room and throwing her arms around his neck, surprising him in the best way. "Then yeah."

Castle hugs his daughter back, his chest expanding in a deep sigh of gratitude, but before he can speak it, the knock on the door has them both glancing towards the entryway, the firm yet uncertain rhythm of knuckles on the wood assuring him of who's on the other side.

"I should get going," Alexis says, squeezing his shoulder before dropping a kiss to his cheek and striding for the door. "Good luck with the date, Dad," she adds, shooting him a wink before she opens it that has him rolling his eyes.

Either protesting his love of Kate or encouraging it wholeheartedly – there never seemed to be a middle ground with his daughter, not when it came to his happiness.

"Alexis," Kate greets, surprise in her eyes, wariness in the lines of her features, but she hides it well, a tentative smile gracing her lips. "Nice costume."

Alexis adjusts the wide rim of the witch's hat on her head. "Thanks, I know it's predictable, but I figured you can never go wrong with the overused witch idea."

"I still think you should have gone with a pumpkin," Castle quips, following in his daughter's footsteps and taking just a moment to appreciate the woman standing in his doorway, the soft purple of her sweater, the worn quality of her jeans, the gentle waves of her hair that frame the smile she wears on her lips for him.

"Dad, the only way a girl my age can go as a pumpkin these days is if I go as a _sexy_ pumpkin and I don't think you want-"

"Eww, no, stop!" he pleads, screwing his eyes shut and covering his ears, but he can still hear the bright sound of Kate's laughter filling his entryway.

"And on that note," he listens to Alexis chuckle and opens his eyes to see her snagging her purse from the table near the door and slinging it over her shoulder. "I'll be home before midnight."

"Be safe," Castle reminds her. "And have fun."

"You guys too," Alexis answers with a small smile, brushing past Beckett, into the hallway but still casting her gaze to both of them. "Good to see you, Kate."

"You too," Kate replies automatically, relief drenching her eyes once Alexis is in the elevator, brimming bright when she turns her attention back to him, a foreign shade of shyness quickly swallowing it whole. "Hey, Castle."

This suddenly felt a lot like a date.

"Beckett," he returns, gesturing for her to come inside and closing the door behind her, locking up while she assesses the newly acquired décor of his loft.

"Wow, you went all out," she appraises, her gaze roaming the spider webbed windows, the slew of fake pumpkins scattered throughout the space, the orange, purple, and even green lights twined around the stairway railing, adorning the edges of tables, and lining a few walls. "This wasn't all for our movie night, was it?"

Castle shrugs, bumping into one of the rubber bats he'd hung from the ceiling, narrowly avoiding the whispering sheet of a ghost. "Can't have a Halloween horror fest without the proper setting."

He doesn't expect her smile to grow, but it does and she lets him see it, doesn't even try to hide the bloom of her lips when she turns back to face him.

"When do we start?"

"I'll get the popcorn."

* * *

Kate jerks at the sudden scream from the projector screen, smacking Castle's arm when he snickers at her for it, and curls back into her side of the couch. She had arrived around seven that evening and they were nearing eleven-thirty now, on their third movie of the night, some paranormal activity film that has her so ridiculously on edge, she's wishing they could go back to watching _Hocus Pocus_.

"Want to skip this one?" he chuckles, reaching for her ankle and squeezing the uncovered strip of skin, tapping his thumb to the protrusion of bone.

She kicks at his fingers, but stretches her legs towards him, presses her toes to the firm muscle of his thigh. "No, I just don't think this falls under the category of a Halloween movie."

Castle scoffs, but his palm is draping over the top of her foot, the touch so effortless and easy. "It's a horror film, of course it's an appropriate Halloween movie."

"This isn't horror, this is just creepy," she mutters, attempting to focus on the happenings of the film in front of them, but these characters are just so dense and this woman is about to be murdered by the guy with the knife-

"We can watch 'Casper The Friendly Ghost' if you want, that's Alexis's favorite," he muses, squeezing her foot when she digs her toes into his thigh. "Or maybe I should just turn the lights back on, don't want you to be scared-"

"Shut up," she huffs, pushing up from her reclined position against the arm of the sofa and scooting closer to him so she can snag the second half of her peanut butter cup from the coffee table.

She doesn't want the lights on, not when his smile somehow beams brighter every time he looks at her in the twinkling lights of the Halloween decorations as their only form of illumination.

"Oh, is she seriously going swimming?" Kate groans at the woman on the screen, rolling her eyes as she swan dives into the pool, floating carelessly in the gleaming blue of the water as the man in black who's been pulling tricks on the members of the household since the film began silently slips in not long after her, glides beneath the water to drag her under.

It's stupid, an overplayed murder scene, but Beckett feels her chest clench as they watch the woman struggle, gasping for breath, choking on chlorine. Her scar throbs with every mouthful of water the actress inhales, her lungs growing tight, wet with the phantom slosh of water down her throat. It's too reminiscent of how she had nearly died in the depths of the Hudson less than a week ago, on the dock of the river with the man who loved her pumping life back into her chest, breathing it into her lungs-

Kate releases a shuddering sigh and drops the peanut butter candy back to the table, draws the blanket around her shoulders more snugly as she shifts in closer to Castle. He doesn't ask, doesn't have to, merely opens an arm to her and makes a place for her to fit against his side, presses his cheek to her forehead when she settles there.

Her lungs expand again without trouble.

"Thanks again for saving my life," she says without thinking, words she's said to him before, but there's no underlying wit to them this time, no tentative teasing.

"No thanks necessary," he murmurs back, the palm of his hand curving to mold around the rounded edge of her shoulder, squeezing.

"Rick-"

"We can't - don't need to talk about it," he amends softly, amends it for her, because there's more to it, more he wants to say, but she has him stuck on the outside of her wall with sealed lips, unable to say too much.

She's been convinced of his death at least three times in the last three months and she's so very tired of wishing and wanting, not letting herself have.

"We'd totally be the two survivors in this movie," he tries to change the subject, injected cheeriness in his words. "We're obviously pretty resilient."

"Mm, we've made it through worse," she concedes, sinking deeper into the warmth of his body, appreciating this rare moment of knowing what it feels like to be held by him, of indulging in a yearning she so often does her best to smother. "And you've always got my back."

"Always," he echoes, the resolution strong through that single word that means everything.

Kate turns her face into the cove of his neck, breathes in the scent of coffee and mint, the spice of his deodorant and the comfort of his laundry detergent.

"Kate?" She holds her breath, afraid of what's to come, but Castle's thumb strokes the bone of her shoulder, eases the immediate tension invading her frame. "I know we aren't… I know there's the wall and we're waiting, but I've been thinking since – since Sophia had the gun to my head-"

"Castle," she rasps, squeezing her eyes shut as if that will make the horrific image of Sophia Turner raising her weapon to the back of his skull dissipate, those terrifying final moments when she thought she was about to watch him die, witness him die without knowing-

"I'm not asking for you to just dive in, but Kate, a lot was rushing through my head in that split second and all I wanted was more time. More time with Alexis, with my mother, with you," he confesses on a sigh, his chest expanding beneath her arm, the thunder of his heart against her bicep. "You know just as well as I do that it can all be over in a blink and I don't want that to happen with us, to miss out on - on having you."

Her throat closes up, too many words, too much hesitation clogging her trachea.

"Dinner," he finally blurts. "I was just thinking that maybe we could go out for dinner sometime and-"

"Yes." He goes still and Kate straightens beside him, the arm around her shoulders slipping, his hand tripping down the curve of her side. His eyes are wide when she meets them, the flicker and glow of the still playing movie highlighting the shock spilling through the irises, bleeding into his features. "I'd love to go out for dinner with you sometime. Because I don't want to miss out on us either, Castle."

His arm cinches around her waist and Kate doesn't fight the urge to shift in closer this time, to curl one of her hands at his thigh and tilt forward, graze her nose to his jaw, the touch nothing more than a whisper but setting her skin on fire.

"I'm not completely ready yet, not completely… better, but I'm close," she promises, her lashes fluttering against his skin.

"Close?" he murmurs, the stuttered exhale of his breath skittering hot along her cheek.

"To being more, being ready for this," she mumbles, drawing back from the comfort of his side to see the swirl of confusion through his face before understanding, awe, begins to claim his feature.

"You actually want this? And by this, you - you mean _me_?"

Beckett curves an eyebrow in response. "I do. I definitely want you, Castle. Did you stop?" Does the _I love you_ that spilled between them, blended with the blood staining the grass of cemetery grounds, still count? Kate swallows before he can answer, clarifies her question. "Stop believing it, I mean?"

A surprised breath of laughter escapes his lips, a hint of hysteria to the choked sound, but he shakes his head. "No, not - I just… wasn't sure I believed it in the first place."

Her heart, flying high on the exhilaration of this rare outpouring of honestly, falters. It hurts, cracks her open, to know that she's become so adept at instilling such doubt in him.

"I should have been clear that day on the swings," she murmurs, absentmindedly circling the bone of his knee with her thumb. "After nearly losing you in the bank, then twice again in just this last week-"

"Kate," he sighs, his hand squeezing her waist, offering her an out like always, but she refuses, has to get this out while she has the courage.

"I don't want you to wonder anymore, I want you to know what you're waiting for and that - that I'm almost there," she swears softly, fierce in her promise, in her will to keep him.

But he isn't going anywhere.

Castle touches his free hand to her cheek, strokes a strand of her hair behind her ear, but his fingers shake along her jaw before he cradles the slash of her bone.

"I know what I'm waiting for and it's worth it."

"And this," she whispers, tilting into his touch, inadvertently drifting close once again until her nose is bumping his. "Can it be enough for now?"

"I'm sitting in my living room with you on Halloween watching scary movies, Beckett. What more could I want?"

Her laugh coats his lips, stains his smile in relief and joy and the beautiful certainty he's given her, and Kate ducks forward to drop her forehead to his shoulder before she takes that smile with her own.

Castle hugs her to his chest, tight and affirming, and she sighs in a form of contentment she hasn't felt in far too long.

"Wanna watch one more movie before midnight?" he murmurs after a handful of minutes, comfortable save for the repetitive screams coming from the movie still playing before them.

She grins against his collarbone and nods. "Yeah, one more. But I pick this time."

* * *

Alexis tiptoes into the loft, shutting the door silently behind her, and slipping out of the heeled boots she'd worn for the costume party at Sara's. It's only half past midnight and she had texted her dad before midnight to let him know she would be a little late, but she'd never heard back. It wasn't like him, but with Beckett over, she's sure it was hardly a challenge for him to become easily distracted.

The second Detective Beckett walks into a room, it's like she casts a spell on Alexis's father, shares a deadly siren's song with him that will lead both writer and muse to inevitable devastation. Though, thinking of her dad's partner as a witch or a sea demon probably isn't the best way to work on warming up to Kate again.

It's just so hard to break away all of the resentment she's managed to build up against the other woman, even when she knows some of it - _most_ of it - is unfair. Her dad is in love with Kate, there's no changing that, and it finally seems like Kate herself may be tending to the bloom of Castle's love for her instead of crushing it in her palm. So Alexis would accept it, embrace it eventually, but after last summer, it isn't going to be easy.

Alexis dispels the concern for her father, her trepidation regarding Beckett, with a shake of her head that dislodges the pointed hat she's eager to be rid of, slipping from her hair again. But before she can sneak up the stairs, the sound of voices registers, the glow of the projector screen her dad had set up for his and Beckett's movie night in the living room still alight as she steps free of the foyer.

Her brow furrows at the sight of _Casper The Friendly Ghost_ playing on the large screen and ventures towards the couch, the empty popcorn bowl and abandoned wrappers of candy littering the coffee table, but once she's able to see over the head of the sofa, it clicks.

Her father is slumped against the couch with his eyes closed, his lips slightly parted with sleep, and Kate is tucked into his side, one of the throw blankets draped across her shoulders, covering half of his body. But a blanket isn't the only thing around Kate's shoulders.

Her dad is holding her and it doesn't look accidental judging by the way Kate is nestled against him, her head practically on his chest and one of her hands snagged in the hem of his sweater.

Maybe it hadn't started as a date, but it certainly looks like it turned into one at some point.

Alexis debates on whether or not to wake them, eventually deciding against it and moving silently towards the armchair to grab another throw, layering it gently over the uncovered portion of her dad, the points of Kate's knees poking into his outer thigh.

Her chest eases more with each passing second, each new detail she notices even as she leaves them to start for the stairs. Maybe it wasn't Kate who was the one casting spells after all, maybe this thing between the two of them went both ways, was just pure _magic_ , as Gram so often loved to babble on about.

For tonight at least, she could believe in that.


End file.
